Just having a rough night...

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Just having a rough night...

Postby karenb » Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:52 pm

Hi All...

I know it's been awhile since I've been on the board. It's been a pretty rough month... My mother passed away 9 days ago - her memorial service was just this past Friday. She had aspirated 12 days prior to her passing, and I sat vigil by her bedside the whole time.

My father was sharing a room with her, but really wasn't aware of her illness, or of my being present. For the past week or so, he's been doing much worse... now I'm scared of losing my father.

I feel all alone and lonely. No family here (except my father), nearest family over 1000 miles away, no really close friends here in town.

I feel alone and lousy... just venting... Thanks!

Karen
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby chrisw » Wed Dec 08, 2010 1:22 am

oh gosh hugs and more hugs

I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and hold your hand.

i wish you the very best! i am sorry for all your struggling with now.
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby karenb » Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:50 am

Chris,

Thank you so much - I needed to hear the support. There are times when I feel so alone... much of my support network is still on the east coast (where I lived until 3-1/2 years ago), and I haven't had a chance yet to focus on building new support resources here.

At times it's just overwhelming... my father is so frail, confused, and devastated. I'm trying to take care of myself so I can take care of him, but the vigil during Mom's final battle has really devastated me...

Thanks for reaching out - I really needed it!

Karen
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby Amy Joe » Wed Dec 08, 2010 7:59 am

Karen I am so sorry for your heart aches..I send you love and support!

I pray today is bearable for you and your Dad..

(((((((((((((((gentle hugs)))))))))))))))))))

Amy Joe
MVA 11/05, Dx CM 7mm 1/06, PFD 10/07/2008
Occipital Neuralgia, POT's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Vitamin D Deficient, Lymes, Celiac
NS: Dr Carl B Heilman
Tufts Medical in Boston
http://www.amyjoeonetoughcookie.blogspot.com
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby wendi » Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:14 am

Dear Karen:

I am so sorry for your Loss. It is hard even when your parents are elderly. We want to keep them with us forever and it hurts no matter how old they are when they pass. She is now your own guardian angel. Look into the night sky for the brightest star, that is your dear mother, shining down her love on you, keeping watch over you, bathing you with her warm light. You are never alone as she will always be watching over you and your memories of her will keep her living forever in your mind.

Wendi
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
TC ,TCS @ TCI on 1/3/08,
chronic sacrolitis
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby judyg » Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:54 am

Karen,
I am so very sorry to hear of your Mother's passing. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that she is in God's hands and no longer suffering.

I too wish I could be there to give you a hug and help you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Dad.

Take care,
Judy
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby chrisw » Wed Dec 08, 2010 1:27 pm

Just an idea, could you move your father back to the east coast?

More hugs today!!!
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby karenb » Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:39 pm

Judy, Wendi, and Amy Joe,

Thank you so much for the kind notes - it means so much to me right now. I was with her when she drew her final breath, holding her hand and stroking her forehead. It was a real relief to know that her suffering was over.

Chris,

I thought of moving Mom & Dad to the east coast, but was so impressed with the care and compassion they receive here, that I made the conscious decision to leave my own life behind to care for them. Now that I've gotten used to the slower pace (and addicted to red and green chile :lol: ), I can't imagine trying to go back at this stage in my life.

Karen
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby hegnauea » Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:30 pm

Hi Karen,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope there is some comfort in knowing that she isn't suffering. Our close neighbors lost their mom to Alzheimers last year. Both the brother, grandson, and sister moved back home, and they took care of her with in-home nurses during the day. It took every ounce of energy, emotional and physical, for all three of them to do this.

You are a true angel and a hero to have moved there to be with your parents, to have worked so hard to be your mom's health advocate, and to have spent so much time with her.

hugs,
Ab
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby karenb » Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:56 am

Ab,

Thank you so much for your kind words. In truth, I don't view myself as any sort of hero or angel... just a normal person muddling by the best I can.

If anyone is interested, my mother's obituary is posted at http://www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=338815&fh_id=10322&s_id=7BB4DCAB0E66AD43C5583A00AA44AF9A. It wasn't until later in life that I realized what a truly remarkable woman she really was.

I'm starting to be in a place where I can focus more on my dad - he is so confused and lonely without her. Hopefully, we're starting to pull him out of his slump.

Karen
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby chrisw » Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:29 pm

WOW,

What a life of giving to others!
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby karenb » Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:27 pm

Chris,

I've only found out my Mom's story recently, and am still learning... I am truly amazed, particularly since I never knew her as an adult...

I guess it just shows how much any one of us can accomplish, without really intending to. It also gives new meaning to the term "The Greatest Generation".

Karen
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby karenb » Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:56 pm

Hi all,

Just an update about everything...

Dad has Parkinson's (along with Alzheimer's and Congestive Heart Failure). The latest news is that he's lost much of his oral sensation... so I'm trying to have one meal each day with him (he seems to try harder for me than for the staff). By the time I leave, I feel like sobbing for the next hour or so...

I still miss Mom terribly... at other times, I miss Dad terribly... then there are a lot of times when I miss being me!!!! I feel so alone that I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night. Other times, I miss the relatively carefree life I had for almost 2 decades.

Good News: I played two pieces in an organ recital about a month ago!!! I even managed to play a pedal (foot) solo on "Once he came in blessing" (You can bet I was thinking about my Mom, even though the gender is wrong). End note (bad pun...): even though my legs don't really work, my feet still do. How strange is that.

Karen
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby wendi » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:59 pm

Hang in there sweetie. At least your Dad is trying for you. Think about that. A little part of him remembers you so that has to make you feel a little better.

Looks like you have your feet left so you can still play a little as you enjoy it.

Wendi
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
TC ,TCS @ TCI on 1/3/08,
chronic sacrolitis
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Re: Just having a rough night...

Postby ratherjust_beme » Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:52 pm

I just want you to know I have you in my thoughts and prayers
**hugs**
sheila
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