Need some advice...

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and have a nice long chat. This forum is the perfect place to get to know one another on a more personal basis. Share birthday or get well wishes, funny stories, jokes and interesting tidbits.

Moderator: pmaxwell

Need some advice...

Postby aspen13 » Mon Jan 10, 2011 6:56 pm

I was invited to my nieces 18th birthday this Friday at a local comedy club. I was thinking of going until I saw her and my sister this weekend. I don’t talk to my sister and have limited my contact with my niece. My niece dropped out of school and is now a permanent baby sister for my sister (my sister just had her 5th child). There are lots of reasons we (mom and other sister) don’t talk to my oldest sister. My niece is turning out just like her and has been very mean towards my mom and my other sister. She makes awful comments about them to people, and then cries about them not spending time with her. I have always tried to remain neutral, with my niece.

One of the reasons I don’t have a relationship with my sister is because of her lifestyle, she drinks and parties a lot. I know she also does drugs (pot). I saw them this weekend, dropping of x-mas gifts to the kids. My sister was telling me how hard the process has been for my niece to get her driver’s license because she has diabetes and has to fill out a lot of forms. Then she casually told me that when she turns 18 my niece is getting her medical marijuana card…! I asked my niece why she would be getting that for diabetes and she said it’s for her anxiety and migraines. I know (well assume) my sister will be using some of it. They also get government assistance, I didn’t know Medical (or medicad – not sure what is for children) would give out medical marijuana cards…!

At this point I don’t want to go to my niece’s birthday party any more. I don’t like most of the people going and when I asked my sister if I could bring someone she said there are already too many people going to allow one more. I wanted to always be there to support my niece, but I see her turning into my sister. I have always felt that was more reason to be there for her, but I feel she is old enough to make decisions for herself and chooses to do the wrong things.

Am I wrong in thinking this?
CM DXed in 2004 - 9.3 MM herniation
Pineal Gland Cyst DXed in 2008 - 11 MM
Degenerative Disc Disease L5 and S1
Hyperreflexia
User avatar
aspen13
 
Posts: 779
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:25 pm

Re: Need some advice...

Postby chrisw » Mon Jan 10, 2011 8:34 pm

Wow

We sure are a screwed up bunch around here! Don't worry, we love ya the same!

Laws, Drugs, Entitlements, blah

I think you should be busy and send her a sweet card and just say you already had plans with so and so and are sorry you missed her party! That puts it on her shoulders that she wouldn't allow so and so to join ya! She probably is so caught up in herself and how the world owes her for being alive that she wouldn't get it...

ah, just send her a card and a gift card to a restaurant or Walmart or something so she doesn't blow it on blow...

Would you like to trade families for a month?
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
User avatar
chrisw
 
Posts: 494
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:48 pm
Location: Columbia, SC and lots of time near Blacksburg and Smith Mountain Lake in VA

Re: Need some advice...

Postby aspen13 » Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:21 pm

I don't know, I mean I know mine is bad...but not that bad. I was thinking of canceling and offering to take her somewhere, just us. I do love my niece, I enjoy our time together. i don 't like my sisters friends though. They're so loud and annoying, lol. At 28 I am such a fuddy-duddy. Give me a warm blank, and a good movie...Actually I have been to this comedy club before...its a gay/tranny bar. I had a good time there, but with different people.
CM DXed in 2004 - 9.3 MM herniation
Pineal Gland Cyst DXed in 2008 - 11 MM
Degenerative Disc Disease L5 and S1
Hyperreflexia
User avatar
aspen13
 
Posts: 779
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:25 pm

Re: Need some advice...

Postby chrisw » Tue Jan 11, 2011 3:39 pm

That sounds much better than my idea of just a card. Plus you two would have some more quality time, which you wouldn't get at a party such as this.

I've always had an awesome time at most gay/tranny clubs too! Those "guys" know how to party!!! Of course I too am getting to be just a old fuddy-duddy...
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
User avatar
chrisw
 
Posts: 494
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:48 pm
Location: Columbia, SC and lots of time near Blacksburg and Smith Mountain Lake in VA

Re: Need some advice...

Postby aspen13 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:54 pm

Yeah we had a great time there, everyone was os nice.

My sister and her friends are very crude, which is why I said I don't think I would have a good time with them. I don't mind potty humor, as long as it's not too tastless, which I would expect from them.

One one one time with my niece would be best. I just can't believe how her life has changes, and not for the better, in the past two years.
CM DXed in 2004 - 9.3 MM herniation
Pineal Gland Cyst DXed in 2008 - 11 MM
Degenerative Disc Disease L5 and S1
Hyperreflexia
User avatar
aspen13
 
Posts: 779
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:25 pm

Re: Need some advice...

Postby keggler 1 » Tue Jan 11, 2011 8:55 pm

Love them....see their good and bad ,but always love them. We never know the "whole story" and if we did I'm sure we would all react and deal with situations in our lifes differently, if we only knew the problems others have.

We are always going to be family,and we need the love of others.Learn to agree to disagree and go on.

Good luck...Jerry in Carolina...
ACM S/M BI Hiatal Hernia EDS III Successful PDF 2007 Dr Rosner
keggler 1
 
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:46 pm
Location: South Carolina

Re: Need some advice...

Postby PDoe » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:47 pm

If you are that uncomfortabel, don't go. Cancel telling your neice that you would much prefer to spend time alone with her and have a plan ready.
PDoe
 
Posts: 127
Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:40 pm

Re: Need some advice...

Postby phyrehawke » Fri Jan 14, 2011 11:35 am

Oh Chris...I love your posts...

Aspen, one thing I've learned in life is that it's okay to love people even when you don't agree with them or their choices. Family is family. You can judge people, but it doesn't usually change their life decisions in general, so IMO it's kind of wasted (and negative) energy...plus it gets in the way of happy times, bonding time, and we need as much of that in our challenged lives as we can get. I had to let go of some judgement because it wasn't making the differences I wanted to see, and it was getting the way of what I really wanted for myself in terms of relationships with others. I am a lot happier with family/friends since I've adopted this perspective.

Make the decisions that work best for you. I know I personally do not do well in overstimulating environments. My neurology just can't handle all the crazy input anymore, and my friends and family usually "get it" these days. It took them awhile, but I joke and say I was not really party animal material to begin with. Everybody agrees with that! So I bow out of invitations gracefully and send a card, or giftcard, or make a gift, &/or offer to get together later one-on-one. That's better quality time anyway, and always less stressful. This system seems to work for me.
Rozanne/phyre
"A path of awakening would never suggest that we should be a passive and unwitting spectator of our own repeated disasters, but should turn the power of our attention to untangle the web of complexity." Christina Feldman
phyrehawke
 
Posts: 628
Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 3:23 pm
Location: Southern CA

Re: Need some advice...

Postby aspen13 » Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:19 pm

I didn't go, but it wasn't related to them. I think I slightly dislocated (subluxation) my shoulder the night before. I woke up around midnight and my arm hurt like crazy (I had heard a load pop), I could barely move it with out any extream pain. So called my doctors and they were a bunch of deaf jerks. I told them I thought I subluxated it, but they kept telling me it didn't sound like I dislocated it, which I already knew...one nurse told me, well if you have arm pain it will hurt when you sleep on it. Duh! I have had arm pain for 8 years and I am very in tune with my body, this was very different and not like anything I have felt before.
Anyways, I send my niece some very nice flowers and apologized for not being able to go. I went home and rested and went to bed at 8:30, lol.
CM DXed in 2004 - 9.3 MM herniation
Pineal Gland Cyst DXed in 2008 - 11 MM
Degenerative Disc Disease L5 and S1
Hyperreflexia
User avatar
aspen13
 
Posts: 779
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:25 pm


Return to ASAP Lounge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests

cron