And now for a little family drama

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And now for a little family drama

Postby wendi » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:29 pm

Ok, I am the baby of 3 sisters. My oldest sister, Deborah, died 13 years ago, the middle sister, Lynne, has always had a chip on her shoulder and she and I have always had trouble getting along. Debbie was the peace keeper, the one who got along with both of us. She took us in when our Mother died. Poor Deb, she was 26 and got stuck with 2 teenagers. I did apologize for the Hell I put her thru many years before she died.

Growing up, I was the pesky little brat, 4 years younger, but Lynne and I did love each other, but than, during the teen years, had our problems, then when our babies were born, we were close, but lived far apart. She went 10 years and then had another baby right after going thru NA. I had no idea she was a drug addict, but she went to an extreme in the other direction . If I had any alcohol, she would not speak to me. Then my older sister got sick, this brought us together. I found out, Lynne came from Hawaii to NY and did not tell me! I was so mad. Here I am living 2 1/2 hours away in PA and she does not tell me she is on the mainland. Deb says, cut her some slack, her in laws would not allow it. There is a whole other story there with Hawaian mafia, etc. (She has since divorced him) Anyway, my oldest sister passes and Lynne & I are estranged. About 8 years go by and she calls me out of the blue! Ok, she is all I have left. We are talking back and forth thru email. Then, I find out, at the last minute, she is going to be in Boston for my neices' graduation. She emails me so that I find out too late to hook up with her. Now, I realize, I can't come to the graduation, but I would have been willing to drive 5 hours to see my sister. I left her a pretty angry message on her phone and an email which she never responded too. It was the same thing she did years ago when she came to NY. When you live in Hawaii, it is not like you can just drive there for crying out loud. Twice she came to the mainland and made no plans to see me. I was willing to drive to where she was. I just don't understand it.

So, this was September of 2004. I have been trying to decide if I should get in touch since I will be going there (see my previous post). I can hear Debbie in my head, "you are sisters, you are all that is left, be the bigger person and reach out to her, You know how Lynne is, blah, blah, blah. Well, I silenced her. Today, I dug out the card I had Lynne's email address on and it was no good. I did not have a phone number, so I Googled her and found her work phone and email. I sent a short email that just said to respond if she would like to get in touch. She did and she would.

She wants to talk at her personal email or thru home/cell phones which I understand. I told her when I am going to be there. I am going to Maui and she lives on the Big Island (Hawaii) so if she can't fly over for a day, I will understand. My husband already wants to go to Oahu and see the Arizona, so we can't do 2 Islands extra as it is only 6 days and 2 of that is travel, so really we only have 4 days there.

I am older and wiser now so if I see her, I see her. I reached out and now I won't have any regrets. My Oldest Sis, can also rest in peace knowing that her younger sisters are at least communicating.

Wendi
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby razzle » Wed Jan 19, 2011 8:56 am

good for you . R
Once you choose hope, anything's possible.

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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby angie7 » Wed Jan 19, 2011 11:33 am

I agree, good for you. If she doesnt show at least you can say you tried.
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby wendi » Wed Jan 19, 2011 3:06 pm

We've been emailing back and forth. She is a Grandma now. She was happy I reached out to her. She forgot I got remarried and did not remember my new name and said she would not have found me. She also said a cousin of our Mom's was looking for me as he is doing a family tree and asked if she could give him my email. I said sure. She said she didn't know if she would be able to come to Maui which is understandable because the flights between the islands are expensive, so I am not going to be upset if it doesn't work out. I told her maybe if DH finds another person to go to Oahu with to the Arizona Memorial, I can go to the Big Island for the day instead to see her. I have been to the memorial and it is more important to him than me. We will see.

Thanks for posting, Angie.
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby Amy Joe » Thu Jan 20, 2011 5:46 am

Wendi, you did a great thing by reaching out. Now she has all you current contact info. I hope it turns out ok for you.

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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby wendi » Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:31 am

So far so good, Amy Joe. You know how families and sibilings are. My sister and I were close when we were little and there for a while while new Mom's, but drifted apart and things happened to make the chasm even further. My older sister, who is gone, would really want us to work together to be family so I did this for her memory. She always got along with both of us and boy did the two of us put her thru the wringer. We are responsible for the poor woman never having kids of her own, I think. I should really write a book one day.

For now, we are curious about each others lives and taking things slow. I am going to be careful to not say anything about my past hurts and just see where this takes us. Again, after all, we are all that is left and our two kids have never met except once when they were babies.
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby Janice » Tue Jan 25, 2011 2:30 pm

Hi Wendi,

I'm so sorry for all you've been going through lately and now family drama. I'm glad you connected with your sister and sincerely hope you will get to see each other in Hawaii.

I have a selfish, self-centered sister, she's the older one and is the reason I moved to Cali in the first place. My mom needed help and that's not something she's good at doing cause it takes away from her routine of "me" time. I packed my family up, drove there alone w/the kids, from Chicago, to help my poor mom after a few strokes and leg amputation. My sister was just too busy to do it and my mom was going through a really rough time after the amputation. I was with my mom almost everyday from that point on, even though I lived 45 minutes away, and rarely saw my sister visit. All she could ever say was she spent time w/her while she was in the hospital, well heck so did I after flying 2000 miles from home during the Christmas season, w/3 small kids. Not as much time, but certainly what I could give. As my mom would say, what did that have to do with the cost of beans, what about afterward. On my mom's last few days alive, she became alert enough to ask where my sister was. Mind you, I had practically moved into the nursing home, then hospice w/her but she'd frequently ask for my sister. On this day, at hospice, I told her my sister would be there and she told me not to hold my breath. My sister finally showed up for one of her eat & run visits but my mom really lit up. She passed the next day. I was so upset w/my sister for being so selfish and stingy w/her time (barely even a phone call) when all my mom wanted was to see her, her first born. Also, for not helping me take care of our mom.

She's still pretty self-centered but trying after the many years I've been working on her. My mom passed away 11/98, after never really getting over the death of my, 1 year older, sister 1/94. It's only been 4 of us since then cause my dad passed away 1/80, and no matter how much we tried communicating with her, my older sister just never had the time even ignoring phone calls cause she just didn't want to be bothered. It's finally sinking in to her lately, that she's the head of the family, it's just us and we need to work together to keep this small family together. Our kids need to know each other and not be so caught up in their own world's that they never make time to see each other. She still piece meal's her time but better than before.

Unfortunately, I'm the one who always kept the peace among us, and making sure I visited everyone. When I became unable to drive in 8/06, it took her 3 years to actually come visit me, again barely taking my phone calls when I really needed someone to talk to about all that I was going through w/this SM crap. When she answered the phone it was always as if I were bugging her. It has taken me 4 years to finally get her to realize that family is important, and if she doesn't wake up, she's gonna find herself all alone w/no one to shoulder her troubles and problems when she needs someone. Which was the only time I heard from her, when she had a problem, or when she actually needed something or someone to talk to. Like I said, 4 of us - my mom adopted my baby sis when she was born, so really 3 of us - 1 baby brother, all of us grown.

All that said, and I hope it makes sense, I think it's wonderful of you to reach out in the name of your older sister. I hope you continue to try, although I completely understand and can relate, why you wouldn't care to keep trying when you're the only one trying. You're so kind w/a heart of gold, don't allow the attitude of your sister to keep you from honoring your older sister. Don't allow her to harden your heart. I do hope, this time around, she really tries.

Take care Wendi, I miss you and love you! ((((((((((Gentle Hugs))))))))))
GOD Bless!
Janice

Thoracic: SM T3-T12 / Disc Buldge T7-T9 / Mild Scoliosis
Cervical: SM C2-C6 / DDD / Kyphosis
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby wendi » Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:10 pm

Janice:

You are my sweet, dear friend. I am so glad we got to talk today. Happy Anniversary!

Wendi
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
TC ,TCS @ TCI on 1/3/08,
chronic sacrolitis
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby Janice » Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:28 pm

I'm happy we talked too, if was a wonderful surprise!

Thank you, love you! Hugs!
GOD Bless!
Janice

Thoracic: SM T3-T12 / Disc Buldge T7-T9 / Mild Scoliosis
Cervical: SM C2-C6 / DDD / Kyphosis
Hemangioma's: T9-T11 & L4

http://janice-mylifewithsm.blogspot.com/ (Copy & Paste link into your browser)
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby tattoodlb1 » Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:31 pm

Yeah, gotta love our families........ at least we can pick our friends.....

Happy Anniversary Janice and it was nice to hear from you a few days ago, or was it last week? My mind is being pulled in 17 directions.

Wendi, good for you for taking the steps to see if you can make things better for you and your sister; I wish you the best.

I also hope you enjoy your stay; maybe you'll run into Dog, The Bounty Hunter... that would be cool.

Hugs!!!
Syringomyelia entire spinal cord including throughout conus, Chiari ? Hemangioma T2, Multiple Tarlov cysts; Empty sella & degenerative disc disease entire spine.. severe Fibromyalgia (central cord hypersensitivity).
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Re: And now for a little family drama

Postby chrisw » Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:22 pm

Lmao, I ran into Dog and his posse in san diego a couple years ago... fun fun!

I sure hope things work out during this trip!

Chris
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
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