Another Life

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Another Life

Postby tattoodlb1 » Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:44 pm

Hi All..... it's been ages since I've been here; many different reasons..... the main reason is DH trouble. 2 years ago I told him I was "sick" with this rare spinal disease and if he wanted out, leave now..." He was like all manly and saying, "Oh, no, I would never do that to you, we married for better or worse, etc"......................

Jump to today: I have been told that I'm destroying my husband's life that he doesn't want to make the small accomodations I need to travel, I am different and he doesn't like me any more; I'm a drug addict and lazy.... (you get what I mean).

So, I have not seen him before work (I wake up anywhere between 6-11:30); I hardly see him after work (he works late and sometimes I go to bed 4:30-7) and I have not seen him in 3 weekends. He decided to join facebook and find his old friends; and they were only too happy to have him back, after he started making beer, bought a keg fridge (in my basement); started making wine (spent ($1400) on GRAPES, not to mention everything that goes with it.......... so he's been trucking along leaving me in the dust... oh, I can join him, but he won't have time for me since he'll be hanging with his friends. Tonight I think was the last straw; he went out to buy a 4 wheel dirtbike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how that is supposed to bring us together, but I think just the opposite. I think he is doing all these things so that I leave and he is not seen as the one who actually ignored me to death.

I'm in yoga now (used to think it was some lame thing but I'm starting to feel good) so maybe at some point I'll be able to live alone and this will help me.

I'm glad I can still do some things for myself and if I have to move, I can still pack, etc..... but I was going to call a mover's..... just don't know where to go yet!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not going to let HIM destroy MY life with all of his negative BS........ he says I can't do things before I've even tried ....... to me that is a loser of a statement.

My mom always said you don't know until you've tried...... I got to see a video of her wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The family took old movies to CVS and had them put on DVD... oh she was so pretty...... it was surreal to see her and my dad..... but it made me happy.


Love and hugs to you all......

PS: DH, talk to the butt....
Syringomyelia entire spinal cord including throughout conus, Chiari ? Hemangioma T2, Multiple Tarlov cysts; Empty sella & degenerative disc disease entire spine.. severe Fibromyalgia (central cord hypersensitivity).
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Re: Another Life

Postby chrisw » Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:55 pm

Gosh,

This sounds like my story, only that I am the one who has the unused beer fridge and 100 gallons of beer/wine sitting around since my car accident.

Its been almost 6 months since she left, and I guess a little over a year since she decided to leave. I still have an aching heart, and I hope she does too.

Everything you have said rings true In my mind, I wish you the best! My heart is breaking all over again for you knowing exactly what is going on.

I do want to mention counseling, you two did love eachother, and it may be possible to get that back.

My heart goes out to you,

Chris
SM, Chiari 0 (Rosner), Diagnosed 8/08 after car accident 6/08, Vitamin D deficent
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Re: Another Life

Postby Claudine » Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:53 pm

Tattoo
So glad to see you back on this board. As you know, I was wondering about you.
Sorry to hear about the hubby problem. At least you know you're capable of making it on your own. Be strong and I am glad yoga is working for you.
C.
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Re: Another Life

Postby tennesseewalker » Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:15 pm

Dana, I think he's scared. He doesn't have a clue how to be the spouse of a disabled person, so it's just easier to revert to behavior he is comfortable with. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis thing. You just lost some of your babies, maybe he is grieving. Maybe it's all to much for him to deal with right now.

How long have you been married?
Mary
Genetic CM/SM (me, my son, my twin sister and both of her daughters), RSD of right arm.
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Re: Another Life

Postby wendi » Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:23 pm

Hi Dana:

Only you can answer those questions because you know him and you live with him. By now he would have accepted your illness and the fact that you were accepted for SSDI should have given him a clue since so many do not win even when they deserve it. He sounds immature, but we have discussed him before. If he is making you miserable, then you need to leave to make yourself as well as you can be since he will only bring you down. Staying in a marriage where he is verbally abusing you, is not the answer, but you know that. IF there is hope for you and your marriage, you will find it and he will help you to fix it, if not, we will be here for you.

Love you lots dear friend!

Wendi
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
TC ,TCS @ TCI on 1/3/08,
chronic sacrolitis
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Re: Another Life

Postby angie7 » Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:00 pm

I'm so sorry :( Some people just aren't able to handle it and it sounds like it's too much for your husband. I know leaving him is a scary thought, terrifying actually but you deserve to be happy. I left my husband of almost 10 years close to a year ago. It was a hard decision to make with 2 small children and being disabled but let me tell you, it was the BEST damn decision ever. I'm happier then I have ever been. I have a new life, a new man and I'm thrilled with my future. My new man knows all about my med conditions and he doesn't care. That was a big fear of mine, who's gonna want me? well he did and he's amazing.

My advice, sit down with your dh and have a heart to heart. Find out why he is doing this, does he want out, maybe just a break from each other??
Mama to 4 y/o ID twin girls (2006)
CM 0, C5-T1 syrinx, Scoliosis, Hypotension; PFD 2004
Deg Disc C4/5,Cervical Kyphosis-repaired 07 w cadavar bone graph & plate w 4 screws
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Re: Another Life

Postby smoovie0704 » Sun Feb 06, 2011 7:54 pm

Dana,

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. My husband is very supportive of me as is most of my family. I have recently quit my job because I could not handle it anymore. I am not sure if I qualify for disability but I am going to try to find out.

Has he gone to any of the doctor's visits with you? Does he know exactly what your problems are?

It seems to me that he is having a mid life crisis, typical of males when they are behaving the way he is - hanging on to the past - and having difficulty coping with your issues. Many people act out when they don't know how to help. Ask your doctor to recommend a good counselor and suggest that you go together to meet with him.

I was having severe anxiety issues and my NL sent me straight away to a therapist and it has helped me tremendously. I have learned to wake up and take advantage of days I feel good and enjoy as many activities as I can with my children. It has been a bad winter here in the Northeast but I have had movie days and baking afternoons and Wii challenges. It isn't always easy, but i am not going to let CM defeat me.

You are in my thoughts, stay strong and think about yourself first.
Complex Migraine w/o Aura
CM 9mm
Fibromyalgia
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Re: Another Life

Postby marymac » Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:43 am

Hi Ho Dana:
Be careful my friend. Do you have a stash of $$$? Will your insurance still cover you or are you on his? And if push comes to shove, you'd be the one that abandoned him, uh huh. Not trying to rain on your parade but I care too much to not pitch in here: and a warm and comfy place to stay? With a nice new hard belly to massage your head, haha :lol: :roll: You know I love ya kiddo. Email me if you can.
Smiles
Marymac
Central disc herniations C5-6 and C6-7, extensive syringohydromyelia cavity throughout the cervical & thoracic cord (large syrinx from C6 inferiorly.)

"Every day is a gift: Thats why it's called the Present"
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Re: Another Life

Postby tnglitter » Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:12 am

Marymac (HI, GF!), is absolutely correct. Get your legal issues answered - different in every state. I had to have the courts' permission to leave the state of MD legally so that my ex could not come back with "desertion", which would have made a difference in an alimony ruling down the road. Most lawyers offer a 30 minute free consultation. Go to the Yellow Pages if you don't have references from friends and take advantage of that free 30 minutes! Step out of the emotional long enough to deal with the practical. Find out what the laws are in your state and protect yourself!

One note of interest - once you are away from the situation, it's amazing how much better you feel when you don't feel "put down" all the time. And there's a whole lot to be said for reducing stress...... 8)

Rhonda
T Spine SM T8-T12 (9 mm) Syringopleural Shunt & Laminectomy T10/T11 5 Jan 09
C spine Disc bulges/canal narrowing/DDD
L spine Spondylosis/DDD

Mom of 3 daughters & MiMi to 2 grandsons & 1 granddaughter
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Re: Another Life

Postby wendi » Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:21 pm

Rhonda:

Good to "see" you! It's been a long time!

Wendi
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
TC ,TCS @ TCI on 1/3/08,
chronic sacrolitis
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Re: Another Life

Postby tnglitter » Sun Feb 13, 2011 1:29 am

Good to be back, Wendi! and missed too ........ warm and fuzzies!
Rhonda
T Spine SM T8-T12 (9 mm) Syringopleural Shunt & Laminectomy T10/T11 5 Jan 09
C spine Disc bulges/canal narrowing/DDD
L spine Spondylosis/DDD

Mom of 3 daughters & MiMi to 2 grandsons & 1 granddaughter
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