A Home For My Heart

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and have a nice long chat. This forum is the perfect place to get to know one another on a more personal basis. Share birthday or get well wishes, funny stories, jokes and interesting tidbits.

Moderator: pmaxwell

A Home For My Heart

Postby tnglitter » Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:02 am

It's not very large yet, this home for my heart
But I can build upon it day by day
And soon those walls that keep me safe
Will be strong and hard keeping everything at bay

I never thought I'd need to build it again
It was so very hard to tear down before
But my heart has been hurt for so long now
I have no choice if I'm meant to live much more

This home for my heart, you cannot see
But when it's finished you'll be able to tell
By a faint burst of cold as I walk silently by
With my head held down knowing no one can scale -

-My home for my heart, safe, loving and warm
Where I can grow my dreams, and my private pain
Will never show on the outside, never see the light of day
Where ridicule and disbelief circles me time and again

The outside can't look in and will never know
The physical and emotional pain I'll never share
The very worst of it caused by the people I love most
As it always is, when the ones you love most don't seem to care

Even as I was once outside with the world
My heart grew heavier with each negative barb sent
And at last realizing it will never change and
I'll always be on the outside of every outside, looking in

To have to deal with my medical condition is enough
Why can't those my heart cares for the most understand?
Instead the physical pain pales in comparison to
The heartaches I endure from those I need to be my island

My island amidst all the craziness of my world
A safe, warm loving place on which I can depend
And those I love the most would be supportive and kind
Something even a stranger might feel if directed at him

I fight this pain all the time, and depression so deep
In my heart, so I need to build a home where it will be safe
To keep the outside - outside, while I try to heal
Just my heart for now, it's a beginning anyway

Lost to this illness - pride, ability, accomplishments
Those things are gone and likely won't return
My entire life has changed and when it's relentless my heart grows numb
I've shed so many tears, my eyes only burn

Then comes a time of clarity and knowing it won't change
When all that's left to do is protect your heart and heal
Build a place filled with love, and hope that
There will come a day when you can again safely feel

r.bodoin
T Spine SM T8-T12 (9 mm) Syringopleural Shunt & Laminectomy T10/T11 5 Jan 09
C spine Disc bulges/canal narrowing/DDD
L spine Spondylosis/DDD

Mom of 3 daughters & MiMi to 2 grandsons & 1 granddaughter
User avatar
tnglitter
 
Posts: 572
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:24 pm
Location: Central Tennessee

Re: A Home For My Heart

Postby wendi » Thu Dec 27, 2012 2:39 pm

Hey!

I don't know if that is beautiful or depressing, especially this time of year. It is very nice to hear from you. I've not been around much either, but since I posted to another thread, I saw you were back. I do keep you in my thoughts, so you know you are not alone. Especially on here.

Belated Merry Christmas! Happy New Year.

Wendi
ACM 7.5mm B4 TCS 2.4mm post op
TC ,TCS @ TCI on 1/3/08,
chronic sacrolitis
wendi
 
Posts: 3346
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:48 am
Location: Whitehall, Pennsylvania

Re: A Home For My Heart

Postby tnglitter » Tue Jan 15, 2013 5:19 pm

Hi Wendi,
Was just feeling SO depressed and of course no one in my "real" life to talk to about it. Wrote the poem and left it out for someone to read .... no comment of course. BLAH. So - I decided I needed to get back to my roots (ASAP), and pull myself out of this cruddy, on-going mood.

Hmmm - no support groups in TN, SOOOOOO - now there is one! Mid-Tennessee Support Group for ASAP! Yeah! First meeting is the 6th of April, a Sat - time and location to be announced. Mark your calendars!

Rhonda
T Spine SM T8-T12 (9 mm) Syringopleural Shunt & Laminectomy T10/T11 5 Jan 09
C spine Disc bulges/canal narrowing/DDD
L spine Spondylosis/DDD

Mom of 3 daughters & MiMi to 2 grandsons & 1 granddaughter
User avatar
tnglitter
 
Posts: 572
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:24 pm
Location: Central Tennessee


Return to ASAP Lounge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests