I'm running a little scared.

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I'm running a little scared.

Postby dtyree » Fri Mar 21, 2008 10:29 am

After giving much thought, the only way to put it is, I am scared. This is Holy Week which calls for extra church services for me to play. Did one last night, Maunday Thursday (if you need info on that, will be glad to share). I had one last hymn to play. I found myself studying the hymn number so that I would play the right hymn. It just did not register, even marked in color so I would not skip it. Started playing, and it was the wrong hymn. The music director came over and pointed out the correct hymn. The brain did not cooperate at all. I did not realize I was on the wrong page. It's strange. I looked at the bulletin, looked, studied looked for at least 8 minutes and still got it wrong.

This is such a strange feeling. I stare at the calendar and still cannot remember what day it is, the date is even worse.

I called my NL this am. I realize that there is no quick fix, but explained any answer is better than nothing. He just said I have a neurological problem they are working on. Right now, they could not suggest anything at all.

Last Sunday I told the choir that the hymns were going to be slower. My arms feel like logs and my hands, fingers will not go as quick as I would like them to. Playing is such a labor. And this is progressing very quickly. Last night was even harder than last Sunday.

I have another service tonight, Good Friday, and have 2 major organ pieces to play. One I feel OK about, another, just scared. Right now I do not see myself getting through it. May have to drop it even though it is already printed for the service. This Sunday is big whoop Sunday, Easter. At this point I have no idea as to how well it will be. Have 3 major pieces including the Hallelujah Chorus.

The brain seems to be mis-firing, the muscles and agility just are not there like it was at Christmas. It is all so frightening that what was is not there.

Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
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Postby birdlover3 » Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:34 am

David, HC has a great idea for you. I understand about the arm thing because sometimes my hands & fingers work & at other times they don’t. That’s one of the main reasons I can’t post on here like I want to.

Last year I read that Billy Graham wasn’t doing very well, but they said when he went to stand at the podium to preach, you could see the energy flowing into him. Maybe God will bless you by allowing your hands & fingers to work.

I know it’s easier said than done, but please try to not stress out about it. God’s in control & your church family & friends will understand. If they don’t understand, they have a problem & they need to have a long talk with God.

I’ll be praying for you.
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Postby Janice » Fri Mar 21, 2008 12:27 pm

Hi David,

I agree with the advice already given. It is easier said than done, we all know that. I also agree that stressing will only add to your existing concerns.

When you stress, your body will react negatively to it. Is there a time, and place, you can go to rehearse the numbers before the services? Would it help for you to practice as much as you can before actually performing the numbers? Because you're forgetting the what and when, it seems that if you've practiced the hymn in the order in which they will take place during the service, it may help to spark your mind during that time and create less stress.

I know it's hard but you really need to find ways to relax so that your mind is more focused on knowing and not forgetting. If that makes sense. I actually forgot the words I was thinking while typing so what I typed is not exact to what I was previously thinking.

Extra prayers are in order and I'm sure you've got them so don't be scared. You're going to do just fine. I know this doesn't help your overall fear of "why" this is happening but concentrate on finding ways to do something you love/enjoy doing with joy in your heart as relaxed as you can be. Don't allow fear of messing up destroy something you love so much. Think positive, Be positive and let positiveness flow into your music.

Take care and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

P.S. I hope this made sense and didn't sound like rambling.
GOD Bless!
Janice

Thoracic: SM T3-T12 / Disc Buldge T7-T9 / Mild Scoliosis
Cervical: SM C2-C6 / DDD / Kyphosis
Hemangioma's: T9-T11 & L4

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Postby dtyree » Fri Mar 21, 2008 12:34 pm

Thanks folks, it is good to have someplace to go for some comforting words. What I need to do is follow my own advice about stressing out. I need to get involved in something else.

I think the most difficult part is, this is something I have no control over. I do not consider myself to be a "control freak" but there are things in life that need to come under an orderly form. Make sense?

I'm still plugging!!

Thanks,
Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
dtyree
 
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Location: Nashville, TN

Postby Robertsgirl » Fri Mar 21, 2008 3:05 pm

David,

I wish that I could give you the words and encouragement that you have given me. :D

Everyone has given such wonderful advice. I also agree that God is in control. As I am sure you are aware he has blessed you in so many ways. You are a wonderful and kind person. Just think of the advice that you have given me reciently.. I think that it will fit.

Have a wonderful Easter.

Lisa
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Postby kiminfla » Fri Mar 21, 2008 4:42 pm

David, You've proven to be such a blessing to this board that I'm sure your music will bless others on Easter...Thanks be to God! Be blessed, Kim
CM - PFD 9/7/06
Life is mostly froth and bubble. Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own. -- Adam Lindsay Gordon
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Postby dtyree » Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:57 pm

Well, I must say, God is so good!!!!!!!!! Before the service tonight, I prayed, God, these are your hands, take them and make the music to your glory and honor. He did!!!! Several folks came up to me after the service and said, with tears in their eyes, how much they enjoyed the fitting music. It was a beautiful service (Good Friday-when Jesus was crucified).

Thanks be to God in all of His wonderful goodness!!!!

Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
dtyree
 
Posts: 1383
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Postby Sandy » Sun Mar 23, 2008 6:53 pm

David,

That is great news. Faith is very important to me. I'm so glad it went well for you.

As I read your last msg I was kind of holding my breath to see how it went. And boy did I breathe a sigh of relief.

You're a wonderful person and you help so many others, I guess what I'm saying is that your talents are not limited to your music, you are very gifted.

love,
sandy :D
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Postby Vagreeneys » Sun Mar 23, 2008 10:57 pm

I am so glad that your performance went well. As my DH has told me several times always have faith in yourself and God will guide you. I to suffer from the lose in my arms and i shake so severely at times. I am scared everyday it seems but i push and do what i can if it can't do it i just can't and leave it at that until someone can help me, use the strength of others...just a thought
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Postby Janice » Mon Mar 24, 2008 12:08 pm

Terrific News!! Thanks for sharing. I hope your other performances were just as lovely.

Take care,
GOD Bless!
Janice

Thoracic: SM T3-T12 / Disc Buldge T7-T9 / Mild Scoliosis
Cervical: SM C2-C6 / DDD / Kyphosis
Hemangioma's: T9-T11 & L4

http://janice-mylifewithsm.blogspot.com/ (Copy & Paste link into your browser)
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Postby dtyree » Mon Mar 24, 2008 12:26 pm

Easter was good too!!!

Did not have much in the difficult area. This was the first "low key" Easters I have played in a very long time. Thank Goodness!!!

I did something this (Easter) morning I probably should not have done. Was wandering around different websites and came across a neurological page. And it listed several diseases with symptoms. One in particular I could identify with, not pretty.

Now, I have to convince myself to wait on the NL for his "official" dx and just leave the net alone. But in spite of what I read, it was very educational, learned a few things.

Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
dtyree
 
Posts: 1383
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2007 8:43 pm
Location: Nashville, TN


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