answers i like to hear (humor)

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answers i like to hear (humor)

Postby ke4uzj » Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:26 pm

I love this Doctor

I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.







Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.





Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!





Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.





Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!





Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your f igure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!





Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCL USION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
TO BEAT STRESS:
LIVE BETTER, KISS SLOWER, HUG TIGHTER, BREATHER DEEPER, AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS THROW STUFF : )-

Give us a sense of humor, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
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Postby cash71 » Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:27 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle (Plato)

Syrinx C3-T9, CM zero, OTC, cranial settling, dysautonomia/POTS, and ?EDS

see my blog for more info: http://www.chiariandsyringomyeliaincanada.blogspot.com/
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Postby dtyree » Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:39 pm

Oh, such wisdom!!!

Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
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Postby Vagreeneys » Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:58 pm

Loved it!!!!
SM Syrinx c-5 to t-3 DDD t-10 and t-11 L-4 and L-5
Rhuematoid Arthiritis
Neck Fusion C-3 to C-6
Tavlor cyst
Tethered cord
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Postby Snoozie » Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:30 pm

That was funny...Sue
Seek peace, and pursue it. (Proverbs 34:14)”
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Postby MorningBroken » Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:47 pm

OMG!!!! I LOVED THAT!!!!

Needed a good laugh, thanks for sharing!!!!!

God Bless us Everyone!!!!

Dawn
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Postby SMLady » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:16 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Proud Mom of One Son
Idiopathic SM T1 - T9, DDD, Scoliosis, Pinched Nerves, Bulging Discs, Spondylosis, Stenosis
----------------------------------------------
The Man who walks with God always gets to his destination.
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Postby Ryzing » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:47 am

I'm especially glad to see someone agrees with me on the cocoa bean one!

Thanks for the laughs :lol:
Syringomyelia - C4-T12, Fibromyalgia, Scoliosis, DDD
"If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?"
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Postby donny » Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:18 pm

HORRAY FOR JUNK FOOD
like your assesment of whats good or not good
Don
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Postby ke4uzj » Fri Mar 28, 2008 9:17 pm

just one thing needs to be added

COFFEE BEANS (hey it's still a bean, and i can't live without them lol)
TO BEAT STRESS:
LIVE BETTER, KISS SLOWER, HUG TIGHTER, BREATHER DEEPER, AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS THROW STUFF : )-

Give us a sense of humor, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
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Postby birdlover3 » Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:14 am

Loved them, especially at the bottom: "For those of you who watch what you eat" :)
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Postby kiminfla » Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:24 am

Thanks! I'm sure we all could use some laughter! :lol: Be blessed, Kim
CM - PFD 9/7/06
Life is mostly froth and bubble. Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own. -- Adam Lindsay Gordon
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thank you!

Postby preciousheide » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:26 pm

thanks for sharing that with all of us! my day just keeps getting better!
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Postby bri23t » Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:29 pm

that was GREAT!!...and i needed that chuckle!...im guessing that although not intended ill be sliding in sideways!...chocolate def in hand!...and if speaking english is gonna be what does me in im ok w/ that!:)
dx CM and SM 09/05, failed PFD 10/05
VP shunt 11/05
removal of cerebral tonsils 1/07
SM (through entire spinal cord)
TCS and EDS dx at TCI 4/08
TCS surgery 4/08, pfd revision and VP shunt revision 5/08
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