more than one can handle

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and have a nice long chat. This forum is the perfect place to get to know one another on a more personal basis. Share birthday or get well wishes, funny stories, jokes and interesting tidbits.

Moderator: pmaxwell

more than one can handle

Postby bri23t » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:38 pm

so i have been told my entire life that god doesnt give us more than we can handle at one time and i am starting to think that is bullcrap...just when i am at my breaking point, where i feel like i cant take another thing or that i shouldnt have to deal w/ another thing, another thing had been added to the pile...and its yet another situation that has no easy solution...

what do u do when the one that is supposed to be there through the good and bad, in sickness and in health says he is unable to deal w/ me and what i have become or where i 'might' be headed (and lately that seems to approaching rather quickly)...when i have (in the early days of my being very sick) stuck by him through his addiction 'issues' and suicide attempt...

do i get mad, do i fight, or do i say thanks for not leading me on while we go through the motions?...i feel like now i have to fight for me...and being selfish is not something i am very good at but he is!

i feel lost, i am without my biggest supporters (my parents and sister) since moving to upstate NY to be w/ my husband...yet again putting aside my 'wants' and doing what i felt was best for my family...only to get up here (ive been here less than a month) and have the news that he is unable to cope w/ having me nearing the w/c stages and what that situation might entail for him...

it pisses me off!!!!!!!!...why now does he choose to communicate these things to me?!...why couldnt he find the 'guts' before my relocation to tell me he wants a divorce!

UGH!!!...i KNOW i am a tough person, able to handle A LOT! (the last 2 1/2 years have shown me that)...but i think this will be what puts me over the edge...i feel like im on a teeter-tot that hangs over a cliff and im going over...i dont know what to do or where to turn...

all this before i even get to tci and see if the w/c can be postponed or even avoided...

ok i think im done venting...thanks for reading...
dx CM and SM 09/05, failed PFD 10/05
VP shunt 11/05
removal of cerebral tonsils 1/07
SM (through entire spinal cord)
TCS and EDS dx at TCI 4/08
TCS surgery 4/08, pfd revision and VP shunt revision 5/08
bri23t
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:26 am
Location: TRINITY, FL

Postby georgiagal » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:53 pm

Sweetie, you just go ahead and vent until you just can't find another thing to say! I know from personal experience that holding things in can really lead to melt-downs (I just had a couple melt-downs myself recently and man did it feel good afterwards).

I don't exactly know what to say except offer my sincere hopes that things will change for the better -- one way or another. I know things were not in a good place with my DH and I before he was diagnosed (and still working on that one), but we've actually gotten much closer since. Maybe remind him of his vows and how you stuck by him (which I'm pretty sure you probably have already done), don't know if that would help any.

With me in the throws of too much to handle myself (my unemployment, working on dh's disability, robbing Peter to pay Paul and a car accident w/possible totalled vehicle), I completely understand how you might just want to throw your hands up, say *screw it* and run away. I can only offer any support to you that you can handle. I know it's tough, but hang in there.

You deserve to be a *little* selfish with all that you have going on. Your conditions are very hard on you and as a caregiver, I can understand how overwhelming it can be to your spouse. As hard as it is though, the thought of telling him *I'm thru & can't handle anymore* hasn't crossed my mind (atleast it didn't after we discovered there is really something wrong).

You're a trooper and you will find your best coping skills and best outcome possible. Keep on venting, but also remember to take care of yourself.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

GG
User avatar
georgiagal
 
Posts: 1101
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:33 pm
Location: Loganville, GA

Postby dtyree » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:59 pm

Dear bri23t, I am almost at a loss for words, but will try. My heart goes out to you because of your current situation. I can feel your pain as you struggle with questions but have no answers. I can say that God is at your side, He is inside of you and He will continue to help you, when, I'm afraid to say, in His time.

You do have a lot in front of you, but what you have had to deal with, yes you are a strong person!!! Your strength is going to see you through this even if it does seem overwhelming right now. Take one step at a time, deal with one problem at a time, you can see it through and the results will be to your advantage. It is going to help you in the long run.

And there will be posts her to offer advice. Of course what action you take will be your decision, but at least there will be those giving their input which will help you make your decision. That is one of the good things about this site, a lot of thoughts to help each other.

I know it is hard right now, but try to have something else you can focus on to help clear your mind. It does help in thinking clearly. Try, as much as you can.

O holy God, we bring before you bri23t, she needs you more than ever in this desparate time of need. Hold her in your hands, give to her the comfort she desparately needs right now. Send to her Your peace to comfort her heart and head and body. Send to her Your knowledge to give to her the ability to make rationale decisions during this upheaval. Send to her Your love that she wants to calm her fears, give her a kiss that she needs, let her know that yes, you continue to walk with her. O God, O God, we ask.

Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
dtyree
 
Posts: 1383
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2007 8:43 pm
Location: Nashville, TN

Postby Amy Joe » Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:25 pm

Bri

My thoughts and prayers are with you. It seems that at times we are faced with more then one person should have to handle.

Dig deep into yourself, you can get thru this. With all you have endured you have the strength.

It is however very good to get angry, release it here in your words.

David, your prayer was beautiful and well written.

I also agree with HC, slap the jerk! That may however hurt you more then him.

God bless

Amy Joe
MVA 11/05, Dx CM 7mm 1/06, PFD 10/07/2008
Occipital Neuralgia, POT's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Vitamin D Deficient, Lymes, Celiac
NS: Dr Carl B Heilman
Tufts Medical in Boston
http://www.amyjoeonetoughcookie.blogspot.com
User avatar
Amy Joe
 
Posts: 2919
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:52 am
Location: Fitchburg, Ma

Postby bri23t » Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:59 pm

thank you to all who have responded...david THANK YOU for that prayer...i stuggled in my relationship with god and find it soo tough to turn to him when yet ANOTHER terrible thing happens...

im SOOO so angry at life...im 27 and this isnt how my life was supposed to be (i know, who's is though right!?) and i dont point fingers and place blame on other people (even when maybe i should, mainly at my original NS) not even to god for the way things have turned out...

i am a firm believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason...even though we may not know the reason at the time i always felt that eventually the reason will reveal it self...well im waiting for the reason still as to why NOW im my life THIS too happened...

AND why on july 1, 2005 did i slip on that TINY bit of water at work (that was the catalyst (sp?) to the dx of chiari)...why did the first decompression fail and i code...why did i survive that AND pulomonay embolisms to now feel like the biggest burden to my family (and obviously i am to my husband)...

why did god give me the most PERFECT little girl only to not be able to even take care of her and have to sit on the sidelines and watch my mom and dad take care of her b/c i cant...it wasnt supposed to be like this...I was supposed to be able to take her on rides at disney and I was supposed to be the one to teach her to ride a bike!....

OH IM SOOO ANGRY!!!

(if i could walk to the wall to punch it i would and it makes me angrier still that i cant do that either!!!!!!!!)...and im so disappointed...

i know all our dream arent guarenteed to come true but this isnt supposed to happen either...at what point will things start to get better?...will they ever?...

oh i just wish i was in fla w/ my daughter...not that she could do anything but be her awesome self, i need that right now...just to see her smile...when i spoke to her tonight before she went to bed IT was great (i actually felt my heart tug a little and tears welled up when i heard her skreetch HI MOMMA!)

but i want to be w/ my girl...and i want my momma too...

DAMNIT..now im crying and my head is starting to hurt (shocking!!!)...

i dont understand how its possible to feel SO alone when living with another human being!...ok i think i need a smoke break...

again i apologize for the rant and being all poor me...i KNOW there r others worse off than me and im sorry...im sure ill be back shortly, so ill try to be more constuctive (w/ a less poor bri overtone) in my next post...
dx CM and SM 09/05, failed PFD 10/05
VP shunt 11/05
removal of cerebral tonsils 1/07
SM (through entire spinal cord)
TCS and EDS dx at TCI 4/08
TCS surgery 4/08, pfd revision and VP shunt revision 5/08
bri23t
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:26 am
Location: TRINITY, FL

Postby ke4uzj » Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:15 pm

i said a prayer for you , i wish i could do more !

i know it seems bad now, but eventually it will turn around, and one day God will show you his reasoning

much love,
patty
TO BEAT STRESS:
LIVE BETTER, KISS SLOWER, HUG TIGHTER, BREATHER DEEPER, AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS THROW STUFF : )-

Give us a sense of humor, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
User avatar
ke4uzj
 
Posts: 504
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 4:27 pm

Postby dtyree » Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:23 pm

This is the way I look at it, and I am not saying I am correct, but, I have to rationalize things. We are here on earth to have relationships with other people, some we will influence, some will ignore us, some will be the best times we ever had, and others will be just downright ugly. I believe this is our relationship with God. There are times we blame Him for every wrong thing in our lives, yet He still forgives. Sometimes it is the best relationship we could ever dream of, and He smiles at us. Sometimes we feel that He is ignoring us, and He puts His arm around us. And sometimes we cuss Him up one side and down the other because we have no one else to blame, and He picks us up and holds us. He forgives and continues to forgive.

There are a host of why's in this world, there is no getting around them. Why this, why that. They come and they continue. And many of these why's we will never understand. I too, ask why, I want and answer, now! And it never comes. These I chalk up to another of God's mysteries, we will never know. When I meet Him, we are gonna have a long talk!!!!!!

We are similar, my faith has not always been the best, I have to work at it a lot. I have a history of pulmonary embolism and am on blood thinners the rest of my life (and those things hurt!!). And being so ill, someone else taught my son how to ride a bike. That one really bites. I wanted so much to be there for him, it did not happen, another why.

If you have to, find something cheap, glass in the house. Be careful and break it, get it out, put it in front of you. Just let it go!!

You stay in my thoughts and prayers that you do see a light to help you through all of this, you will, I know you will. And you have to, you have a special little girl counting on you.

Peace,
David
Been called a "walking medical dictionary".
dtyree
 
Posts: 1383
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2007 8:43 pm
Location: Nashville, TN

Postby Snoozie » Sun Mar 30, 2008 9:11 pm

Hi Bri, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. Yes we all question why God is putting us through some of the trials of life. Sometimes we get the answers, sometimes we don't.

Does it shake our faith, yes. Does it take away our faith, no.

I hope that you can get back to your mom and dad and get the love and support that you need at this time. My mom has been gone for almost 5 years now and there have been many times that I wanted her to hold me and tell me it was going to be ok.

I am sharing a poem with you that was one of my moms favorites. When we cleaned out her house I brought her copy home and it is hanging where I can see it everyday. I hope it helps you, even if it is just a little. My thoughts and prayers are with you...Sue


Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson

Seek peace, and pursue it. (Proverbs 34:14)”
User avatar
Snoozie
 
Posts: 397
Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:38 pm
Location: the freakin desert with the bright lights

Postby Amy Joe » Sun Mar 30, 2008 9:15 pm

Bri Is it possible to go home? Can you Fly?

Hope you enjoyed your smoke! When I get upset I have a smoke to!

God gave us the greatest gift, for our minds to ask WHY. It would have been so much easier if he gave us the answers to WHY! But we keep searching.

We search everyday, for a better job, a cure, the rippest cantalope, the right shoes, a better relationship. I guess this yearning to know keeps us hungry to search and discover.

Maybe that job wasn.t right, or the next dr stinks, the fruit is dry and the shoes hurt, and can you say that guys a jerk...... However we are given the ablity to keep searching....

My only advise I would give any of my children would be to come home and let momma care for you awhile. I hope this helps, it's really tough with relationships to councel via the net. But as a mom of three grown children I would want them to take refuege to heal at home.

You are a strong woman!

God Bless

Amy Joe
MVA 11/05, Dx CM 7mm 1/06, PFD 10/07/2008
Occipital Neuralgia, POT's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Vitamin D Deficient, Lymes, Celiac
NS: Dr Carl B Heilman
Tufts Medical in Boston
http://www.amyjoeonetoughcookie.blogspot.com
User avatar
Amy Joe
 
Posts: 2919
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 10:52 am
Location: Fitchburg, Ma

Postby bri23t » Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:30 pm

thank you all who were kind enough to comment ...i appreciate all ur kind words!!
dx CM and SM 09/05, failed PFD 10/05
VP shunt 11/05
removal of cerebral tonsils 1/07
SM (through entire spinal cord)
TCS and EDS dx at TCI 4/08
TCS surgery 4/08, pfd revision and VP shunt revision 5/08
bri23t
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:26 am
Location: TRINITY, FL

Postby Vagreeneys » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:38 am

bri,

I am so sorry i know the words don't help. When you need friends family and your spouse at a time of need that is when you find out who is willing to go the mile with you.

Most times it isn't the one you think that will travel with you. I to have had several loses where i questioned God. Why me why now? I am not a very religious person either. I don't go to church every sunday and so forth.

But I do believe in God and faith. Some of my questions i have never gotten the answers to and probably will never get the answers to. You need to think about yourself. If that means going to be with the family then so be it. If that means getting back with your spouse then so be it.

These are the choices that you have a probably quite a few more but they are your choices. We are all here for you and will pray for you. But please vent and get the anger out so it does not cause damage to you. Then he has won, he has hurt you enough and you don't need to be hurt anymore.

Decide what is best for you, I am sure your parents and daughter will stand behind you and support you but it has to be your decision and noone else's.

We all support you here and will you can speak with anyone of us and we will understand because most have been there or going there or done it. So please take care of yourself and let us know daily how you are doing
your in my prayers
Heide
SM Syrinx c-5 to t-3 DDD t-10 and t-11 L-4 and L-5
Rhuematoid Arthiritis
Neck Fusion C-3 to C-6
Tavlor cyst
Tethered cord
User avatar
Vagreeneys
 
Posts: 247
Joined: Mon Mar 10, 2008 11:20 pm
Location: Prince George Va

Postby PittyPatty » Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:43 am

Hi Bri,

I so sympathize with your situation. It is a tough one. It does suck, but keep your eye on TCI. And remember, even though you don't feel like it now, you ARE the strong one, and you ARE coping in the best way you can. And unfortunately, it doesn't sound like your husband is a very strong man, and that possibly he has his own inner demons. Some people just don't have what it takes to rise to the occasion. But you do!

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get home to your family. There is nothing like support of family at a time like this and you certainly need it. Or maybe they can come up for a visit.

Best wishes and a big HUG,
PittyPatty
User avatar
PittyPatty
 
Posts: 223
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:15 pm
Location: Boca Raton, FL

Postby Ryzing » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:17 am

Bri,

You are definitely stronger than you know...it just may not look that way at this time because of what's going on. I have always looked at trials as a way to strengthen not only my body & mind, but my faith. It's my faith that has led me to believe tough times don't last, but tough people do. God does marvelous things in our lives when we get out of His way.

You have a lot of good people behind you - and if that husband of yours walks away, it is sooooo his loss. Never forget you are smart, beautiful and one heck of a woman!

Diane
Syringomyelia - C4-T12, Fibromyalgia, Scoliosis, DDD
"If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?"
User avatar
Ryzing
 
Posts: 1316
Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 2:37 pm
Location: Berlin Heights, Ohio

Postby kiminfla » Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:55 am

Bri, Just wanted to add my support. So sorry to read of your troubling times. You'll be in my prayers. Be blessed, Kim
CM - PFD 9/7/06
Life is mostly froth and bubble. Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own. -- Adam Lindsay Gordon
kiminfla
 
Posts: 1348
Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 2:03 pm

Postby *Hope* » Mon Mar 31, 2008 8:25 am

Hi bri. I'm new here, but I wanted to offer my thoughts and support.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I don't know a lot of your history, but just from what I've read I know that you're a strong woman. You've been through so much, but remember...you will make it through the next chapter. You will.

Questioning God is so natural and so human. You know, if God did give us the answer, then we'd be too narrow minded or selfish to "get" it anyway. I picture myself laying on the couch at 3am the other night. I finally had a good cry and a "why" session myself. Now thinking about God answering me (with the voice from the 10 Commandments movie, of course) makes me chuckle. I wouldn't understand His bigger plan. I have to trust. Trust that I can handle it, and trust that He is in control. It's not easy, and I think God understands our "why" ways.

Don't be afraid to let some anger out. Or tears. What your husband has said is hurtful to the core, but remember that HE is the weak one. He is the one breaking his word and...ummm...wimping out. ;) You're strong. You've been through a LOT, but you have more fight in you. I'd say a LOT more.

I hope that however this plays out that you'll remember what a strong person you are. You CAN do this.

Hang in there.
*Hope*
 
Posts: 447
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:50 am

Next

Return to ASAP Lounge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests