It's changing

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It's changing

Postby akbrowneyes » Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:46 am

I keep living, moving forwards, laughing, loving, and it won't go away. I push it out of my mind and try to ignore my symptoms. Well there is no ignoring that something is changing and the pain that began this nightmare 5 years ago is repeating itself in my left hand. A cough or yell triggers the electric shock and my tears are from the fear more than the pain. I feel that I don't want to share it with anyone and barely could call Dr. Ellenbogen in Seattle. I feel very alone in Anchorage, Alaska with this crap. I do not want to start the process again and go through the surgeries and recovery.

Sorry to vent. I just can't sleep because my face is on fire.

Dear God, Please give me and all those that suffer from a chronic illnesses rest.
Auto 6/1/94 -- Cervical Fusion C4-C7,
Ant & Post Surgeries
DX 7.5 mm SM 3/23/06 1 week after birth of 3rd Son
SM C3-T2
Lamin Decomp, Duraplasty 7/14/06
Shunt Placement Surgery 6/12/07
NS: Dr. Richard Ellenbogen Harborview Seattle, WA
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Re: It's changing

Postby gunflint » Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:06 am

It's interesting that you said nightmare. I told my wife just this morning that I used to hate dreams but now it's the only place I can go that doesn't hurt. It's easy to get scared, angry, or even dangerously depressed when looking down the barrel of a lifetime of hurt. I don't know what to tell you other than some days are good and some days not so much. But you're not alone and you should get some mild comfort from that.
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Re: It's changing

Postby Jankster253 » Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:09 am

I feel alone a lot too. Misunderstood and frustrated also. I'm here for you. I just called Dr Ellenbogen's office tonight myself. Haven't seen him since March of 2009, but I can tell something is really different inside of me. I hope he can see me soon. Hang in there. :)
Diagnosed with SM with unknown cause since 2007
C5/C6 prominent central canal
Syrinx measures 1mm T-5 to T-11
Degenerative disc disease
Chronic migraine
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Re: It's changing

Postby kiminfla » Thu Dec 22, 2011 6:48 am

This path that we're all on can be overwhelming at times. I pray that things will improve for you and all who continue to suffer and struggle. I hope that you can get some definitive answers. We're here for you. Be blessed, Kim
CM - PFD 9/7/06
Life is mostly froth and bubble. Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own. -- Adam Lindsay Gordon
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